Der Stuff Innenseite
Stranger Than the New $20 Bill
Whenever you come back from vacation somewhere outside the U.S., you inevitably wind up with a pocket full of very heavy foreign coins. I usually try to put them in soda machines for a few days until I realize they aren't quarters and then sort them out by country into a neat pile on my desk. But then what? The obvious answer is to change them into American money, but that would be way too easy. Besides, at the present time I have 32 kroner and 7.29 deutsche marks, which doesn't even add up to five bucks, not enough for a grande cafe mocha from Starbucks.
Here are a few suggestions:
1. Have the coins melted down and used for your next trip to the dentist.
Gold-capped teeth are so twentieth century. In the new millennium, everybody will be sporting copper or nickel caps. Maintenance is minimal; just brush your teeth with Taco Bell hot sauce (it is amazing for cleaning off the dirtiest pennies, in case you didn't know). Besides, until gold grows on trees, it's environmentally friendly to recycle absolutely everything you can.2. Sell them on Ebay.
People sell everything else on Ebay for more than it's worth, why not foreign coins. The trick is to include color photos and make the description sound really enticing, "circa 1982 copper Pfenning, emblazoned with foreign script. Thought to be of German origin and at one time may have belonged to Claudia Schiffer." You never know, some West Virginia hayseed just might buy the coins to use them as described in #3.
3. Keep them in your pocket and for the next two years pretend that you've just got back from an extended trip abroad.
This is especially useful when dealing with members of the opposite sex (or even the same sex if that is what floats you boat) that you want to impress. Just hope the relationship doesn't go too far and he finds out that the last time you were in Europe was before the Iron Curtain fell.4. Birthday present for your 5-year-old niece.
When the little huggers are that young, they have no concept of the value of American money, much less foreign dough. Little Mary will feel very special having a foreign coin in amongst the nickels and pennies in her pink plastic Hello Kitty purse. It will take her years to discover that 10 Czech kroner can't even buy her a Three Musketeers.5. Fix a wobbly table.
Glue coins to the uneven leg of a table to prevent your favorite lamp from sliding off. Thick coins are better than magazines or books (which is what I usually use) because coins are less visually obtrusive. Save your copy of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for something else, like reading.6. Throw them at people you don't like.
Foreign coins are heavy and can really do some damage if you throw them hard enough. Wait for your ex or the brown-noser who got promoted over you to come by. Hide behind a lamppost or mailbox and pelt her with your spare pesos, since they are worth next to nothing anyway. Or better yet, throw them at her shiny new car, which technically would be illegal and we at Monstress would never advocate such a reprehensible thing. Unless she drives a Sport Utility Vehicle, in which case she is just asking for some sort of abuse.7. Give yourself a reason to go back to wherever it is you just visited.
Like you really need to make up reason to go back.